The Funny Dog Words We Created
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Something hit me today as I was talking about my dog. I realized how many new “terms” we had created to describe the various behaviors of our dog. I was thinking if anyone ever listened to a conversation between my wife and I about our dog, they would have no idea what we were saying. I have to wonder how many other pet owners have developed their own language about their pets. Ok so here is an example of a response to “how did the walk go”
“The walk went good. She was kind of a snapperhead at the beginning. A woman stopped to pet her. She gave her airplane ears and wiggly wiggly. She was dragging tail by the end of the walk and was a fish when we got to the car”
The english translation of this sentence. She barked at another dog at the beginning of the walk. A woman stopped to pet her. She lowered her ears flat and gave a lot of tail wags. She was really tired by the end of the walk and drank a lot of water at the car.
Maybe this will be funny, maybe not, but here are some of the terms we have invented.
“Turtled” or “is Turtling”-This is the act of rolling onto one’s back so that only the four legs are exposed. This makes it very difficult for one’s owner to pry them off the ground for a bath. See “Rolly Polly” for the extreme example of “Turtling”
“Rolly Polly”- This is turtling combined while kicking the legs wildly and yelping one’s displeasure about the upcoming bath. If not careful, an owner could take a paw to the face. This tantrum lasts about 3 minutes if its allowed to continue to its conclusion.
“Snapperhead”-Any behavior that is not deemed appropriate when around other people or dogs. The opposite of “Napperhead”
“Napperhead”-This is often the usual state of a dog. Sleeping wherever one sees fit. Many humans wish they could be “napperheads” but they are stuck in cubes with all the other cube rats.
“Airplane Ears”-This is the act of flattening one’s ears horizontal to the ground in a display of friendliness. This is usually accompanied with “wiggly wiggly”.
“Wiggly wiggly”-The act of wagging ones tail so vigorously that ones butt starts to wiggle too. Strangely, it appears that a dog can make its butt go one direction while the tail is going the other…confounding humans.
“Putting the brakes on” or “braking”-Always, without fail, this behavior occurs while approaching a bathtub. This is the act of locking all four legs, lowering one’s body, and sinking one’s claws into whatever one can, to avoid making contact with anything wet. The Spiderman-like adhesion of the paws to any known slippery surface is amazing. NASA is investigating.
“PokerNose”- This is using one’s nose in lieu of hands to accomplish various things. Using the nose to poke things is useful in determining an objects potential of being edible. If it’s determined that it’s not edible, then it is assessed for its potential as a chew toy. The higher off the ground and more valuable an object is to humans, the harder one should pokernose it. Glass objects and objects containing liquids are excellent candidates.
“PokerNosed Me” This is the response of a human after being hit with a wet nose while sleeping. This always occurs when a human is sleeping and one’s face is at the same level as a dog’s nose. Usually this occurs for two reasons. To determine if the human is, in fact, sleeping or just faking it. To roust the human out of sleep. Often a double pokernose technique is employed followed by rapid licking. The first poke is to get the sleeping human to turn its head in the direction of the poke. Now having a clean shot at the human’s face, the dog will make sure the nose is amply wet before poking the human again in the target rich environment. The double poke is best used between 2 am and 4 am.
“Clogged Snorter” -The human equivalent of sneezing. If one’s snorter is clogged, all other activity stops until the snorter is cleared. Clearing one’s snorter causes some weird behavior, often resulting in one human asking another, “what is the dog doing?” The answer is usually, “She’s got a clogged snorter”
“Food hound”- Behavior associated with attempting to acquire any good smelling human food. “She’s being a food hound“. Rapid licking of the air around the human food is sometimes done. Being a food hound is not recommended, as humans generally do not respond well to this behavior. It is usually recommended that this be tried on unsuspecting guests that may not know the rules of the house and will hand over some scrumptious treats.
“Ignore Mode” or “put on Ignore“- Seeing the usefulness of remote controls, dogs have invented a button of their own. When tired of being hassled by humans, they simply hit their equivalent of the “Ignore button”. No amount of attention will get a dog to respond if he has put the humans on ignore. A few humans have even attempted to use the pokernose technique on the dog. I have to report, this does not seem to cause the same behavior in dogs as it does humans. Dogs can ignore the pokernose technique. Dogs have also figured out the exact length of time needed to employ the “Ignore Mode” before the humans give up and leave them alone.